CT scan

Today took forever to come! Of course Michael didn't feel like participating like I wanted. My plan seemed great! Wake him up at 730 for a bottle and a bath. We would head to the hospital at 830, check in, have another bottle and take a nap right in time to be asleep during the CT scan. HHA. I should have known better. He slept in the car, which was fine because he is in a good mood after his naps! We got all the way through the registration and back to the room before he became grump face. Once it was time for him to sit still for a few min he began WAILING! Poor kid! He was not impressed by having someone hold his head still. There was too much movement in the images so they had to re-shoot the images. I gave him a bottle and they shot the images with him sucking. The technician did not think the images were going to work but he sent them to th doc and we headed to the doc's office. The neurosurgeon's office is so great. It's very kid friendly and very relaxing. The Doc took us to a viewing room. The images were so neat!! His brain was very interesting. The neurosurgeon said his brain looked normal, all the parts were there and in the right place! HAHa. Then we got to see the 3-d image of his skull. Much to everyone's suprise- all the sutures were there! It was great! The doc said she was incredibly suprised. She was pretty certain he had fused. She said it was nice to give a family good news; as that rarely happens! So she said his head is just goofy looking! so great!!!

strength

I definitely feel like God is testing my strength. There have been only a few times in my life that I have ever dropped to my knees and cried mercy. I am close to that now. With everything going on my life, I'm getting to that boiling point. Trust me, I do know it can always be worse. I am thankful that Michael is alive and healthy. I am thankful that he is healthy enough to withstand anesthesia. I think that my medical knowledge is bad when it comes to my son. I know what can go wrong. I know what anesthesia is and how it effects the body. I know how easy it is for things to go wrong. I am terrified. I am terrified that I caused this. I am terrified that I am going to lose the most important thing in the world. I am terrified that Michael is going to pay for all the horrible sins I have committed in my life. This precious, innocent boy is the most amazing person I have ever had the privileged of knowing. What if he needs the surgery and mess up and he's not him anymore. I have had to stop researching. I am a researcher. Someone gives me a problem, I research every option, every outcome until I cant research anymore. I researched for 10 min and had to stop. I have never been so scared in my life. CT scan in 7 days, 156 hours, 9360 minutes. In 9360 minutes, my son will go under anesthesia for the first time in his life. I am going to spend the next 9360 minutes loving my son. Hopefully God doesn't want Michael as one of his Angel's yet.

The Best First Mother's Day

Well, I must say that I feel so blessed to be a mother. It is hard work, but so rewarding! I had such an amazing weekend thanks to my family!!! Chad helped me put together the backyard! I have always wanted a garden and now that I have time, Chad and I put one in!! Our backyard is less then ideal for a garden so we had to make do with the space we had! We were lucky enough to be able to go "shopping" at my parents house! They have a ton of wood and lattice and fencing so we were able to get the supplies for FREE!!! We only had to purchase the dirt and veggie plants and seeds! They also gave us an old outdoor table and chairs that they had so we sanded them down and re-stained them! They are amazing!! On Sunday I got to sleep in and then go to brunch with my Husband, Son and Parents!! I woke up to a beautiful bouquet of flowers. At brunch we went to the hotel that Chad and I got married at and last year we also did Mother's Day brunch there. Last year at Mother's Day brunch is when we told our families that we were expecting! Michael got me a beautiful frame with a picture of him in it! My parents got me a mother's necklace with Michael's birthstone in it and a frame with Michael's finger paintings in it! After brunch we went to a local garden store where we got our veggie plants, seeds and a plant for behind the waterfall! It's been so much fun to play in my garden while Michael is napping!!!